3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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