I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
