her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
