I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
