genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
