okay pat passed out under dana's car
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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