high people should be assigned attendants
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
