I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
