Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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