Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
