i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
