i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
