Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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