So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
You made out with two different species that night
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Randomize
