oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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