He is such a slut. More and more my type.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
