It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
