I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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