Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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