You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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