1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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