Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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