You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
