After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
