I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
