I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
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