After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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