return my video game
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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