the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She bit a glass in half.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
