It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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