he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
