some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize