so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
