Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
