Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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