It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just cut my nipple shaving
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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