i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
