why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
