I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
