Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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