Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
