We got so high we made milksteak
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize