Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
