there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
