Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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