I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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