i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
