I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize