That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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