Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
