If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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