I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
