Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize