You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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