Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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