In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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