Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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