this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
