she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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