My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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