Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
