sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
