did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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