Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
