I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
