Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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