I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize