Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
