I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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