How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
