I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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