Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
