Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
