Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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