There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
