The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
