Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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