next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
