I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
