Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
