That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
