between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
