she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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