At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
