He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
