dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
