For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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