she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
