Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
