you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
