So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
