They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
