If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
