I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize