Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
