Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
