Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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