My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Randomize
