hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
