I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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