I got chris browned last night
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
