i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
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